Birthday Blues

I have to say that last year, I had one of thee worst birthdays I have ever had! It was not only my first birthday without my mother but it was the first birthday that I spent almost completely alone. When I comfronted my family about it, I was told to stop being such a drama queen but I do not see it that way.

First off, I won't speak on specifics due to there being many eyes on my writing. I do not want anymore drama than I already have with certain people in my life. All I can say is that my brother's and I had made plans for what would happen for my birthday and my older brother's birthday as we are many years apart but our birthdate is only 1 day apart. To make the story short, everyone cancelled on me. When the weekend came, we had plans to keep my mother's tradition going for our birthday. Turns out, some outsiders changed that around and yet again, my birthday was put on the back burner.

This year, doesn't seem to be much different. I was supposed to go out to a club with friends but for reasons I am not going to mention, it wasn't happening. So, I planned to do a party at home. Turns out, that too was not allowed. Due to my older brother's absence, I was told that it wasn't appropriate. "What will the neighbors say? What will they think? It doesn't look right if he isn't here because it's his birthday too." Gee, people make their decisions. Your actions have consequences and my older brother not being around is not my fault. So 2nd idea, out the window! I thought I'd count with my boyfriend's support on making a party for myself at home, turns out, I was wrong. He too said "well it's too late to plan anything." So I gave up...I gave up on trying to celebrate anything this year.

When it comes to other people's birthdays, I always plan something for them or help whoever is planning for them. I never, ever, have made anyone's birthday unsignificant and for everyone to make my day so insignificant is hurtful. It goes to show me that I am alone in this world. If I don't celebrate my own life, no one is going to. I had enough proof this year and last to prove that to myself. It makes me realize even more how much I miss my mom. My mom never, and I mean NEVER, let me down. As small of a celebration as it may be, she never forgot my day. She celebrated my birth everyday of the month if possible and reminded me of how much of a blessing it was for her to have me. She never told me no to anything. Anything baby girl wanted, baby girl got. Now, my back bone and support system is my own. Am I going to celebrate? Probably. Is anything written in stone? Nope, not at all.

Just a forewarning to those that made my day impossible or insignificant, don't be surprised if I can give two shits about your day, yeah, family included. I can be the friendliest, most helpful, nicest person in the world but rub me wrong and you have NO IDEA who you've messed with.So Happy Birthday to Me =D. Despite my mom not being here, I'll always be her princess every day of the year and it WILL be my birthday everyday of the year in her eyes. Love you mom!

Most Memorable Birthday!

I turned 4! January 1990