Family Feud: Breaking Tradition

Earlier today I was listening to Latino 96.3 during the Family Feud session. The whole story of the caller hit me. A guy called to ask Raq-C (the host) if she could be the intermediate for him and his sister who were not on speaking terms over something small. So the jist of the situation was that the sister wanted to hold Thanksgiving at her new home with her husband and daughter but tradition was that it was always held at their parent's house. The brother didn't want to break tradition and the sister didn't see it that way. They began to bicker back and forth and ended up cursing at each other and made the situation worse.

I'm on the fence with the situation. The bickering and cursing back and forth reminded me so much of me and my brother Jayme but the situation was more dead on with both my brother's families. However, our situation was a bit different. My older brother's wife wanted to have Thanksgiving at her house one year and I associate her with the sister from the caller. It's understandable to want to hold it at your own home and cater to others, in a way it is breaking tradition but tradition is what you make of it. So long as the whole family is together, then it shouldn't matter where it is held. So that's one point for the sisters! LOL

In our situation, I made it very clear that it was to be held at my mother's house due to the circumstances. My mother didn't have much time left. She was sick and it took a lot out of her to make it out of the house. So for her sake, it was best to just keep with tradition and hold it at her house. I always wanted to make her last years with us as happy as possible and if that's what she wanted, then that's what she would get. Whoever didn't want to show up, didn't have to. Period. It did cause some some upsetting conversations or arguments but in the end, it all worked out.

I feel bad for the caller and his sister. Trying to reconcile with her and have her see the parent's side made the situation worse. It is not worth being mad over the holidays over a simple thing as location. However, not enough details were given to pick or choose sides. If you go through this, try not to fight. It's the holidays and those were not meant to be apart and mad. If your situation is closer to mine, then give your parents the joy of seeing you all reunited in your childhood home. Don't be selfish and give them what they want. It doesn't take much to make your parents happy! So have yourselves a wonderful Thanksgiving with your loved ones whether u keep with tradition or move it on to another location!



Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

So many things happen to me on a daily basis that I've learned endless lessons this past year but for this month, I have learned a great deal. The main thing I have learned is how to keep my cool. I recognize that I am of strong character but it is one thing to be strong of character and another to be a straight bitch. Life is too short to be fighting and mad all the time.

I admit it! I have/had some of the bitchiest remarks to say. I was quick to respond and fight back when it wasn't even necessary. Any little thing would set my fuse off and I'd go off on who ever was telling me something that was not to my liking, even if it was for my own good. I just didn't want to hear it! The attitude would roll out and eventually, it hindered my relationship with that person.

Well, I'm done with ending relationships over the dumbest or smallest of things. I'm not saying that I'm an innocent person now but I do a lot less arguing but don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say. I fight less, yes I do but I don't let myself get walked all over either. I defend myself to the fullest because my one life defender isn't here to do it for me anymore. If I don't defend myself, no one will and I'm not going to be anyone's doormat. I'm not going to be anyone's anger outlet just because THEY are having a bad day.

Working with my brother has proved to be the hardest test in life! As it is, we have a very "special" love hate relationship. I love him, he hates me! lol Noo it's just inner turmoil and issues that were never resolved that always resurface in any situation (for him.) He has a very negative attitude but doesn't admit to it. Admitting things is always the first step to recovery but he refuses to admit that he has a problem. I have problems but I'm working on it with him being my main aggressor. He yells and says inappropriate things to me. Sure, I get very upset but I just hear him out, I defend myself if there is a need (in a calm manner) and move on. Life is too short to be mad at each other all the time when we are all we have!

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Xmas 2009

Halloween 2010

How have I changed in a year? I noticed that I am a lot more level headed this year. I do get mad easily but I do not react to it as I used to. I have a friend in particular that used to call me La Violenta (Violent One) haha because as my mom would say "tengo el coraje en las pestañas" haha. Physically, well, I've changed a lot! I have gained a significant amount of weight! I think up to date, I have gained a total of 32lbs. Eating for emotional comfort, yeahhh, NEVER a good idea! It's easy to put the weight on but oh so hard to get it off! So we'll see what the new year brings in store for me mentally, emotionally, and physically!

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Why are am I doing the 30 day challenge? I saw it on Mayra's blog and I thought it would be a good idea. I hadn't been writing on my blog for a while plus, I love challenges! I love to write but sometimes, I don't find topics or the words to write. Yes, the words. You know! When you're drawing a blank...that happens to me at times but once I get on the ball, no one can stop me! LOL

The fact that the 30 day challenge tells you exactly what to write on, it can't get any easier than that! Plus, it touches those certain gray areas in your life where you just get it all out! I know that I didn't have to put my whole "business" out there but sometimes it's better that way. It lets you vent and a big weight off your shoulders is lifted. Now, everyone knows my most intimate of things but I don't care.

As for some of the topics, I don't know how to elaborate past a paragraph! So just read and move on to the next haha.

Day 26- What you think about your friends

I have said it once and I'll say it again. I have a lot of acquaintance type of friends. My circle of true friends is very small and it seems to get smaller as the years go on. The few true friends I have, I would like to take the time to thank them! Thank you for always being there! Thank you for everything that you have ever done for me! I know that I'm a wreck ball but hey, that just gives you more to do! LOL Love you all and don't ever forget that you always have a true friend in me.

***I wanted to keep it short and sweet. No single outs or anything. Those that are my true friends know who they are =]

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

What would you find in my bag? GOSH! What wouldn't you find in my bag?!?! LOL My purse is my traveling suitcase! LOL Let's see I'm going to list exactly what's in my bag

1. Brush
2. Make up bag
3. Small zip bag with my make up brushes
4. Wallet
5. Victoria's Secret lotion
6. Lip balm
7. keys
8. Sugar Free Jolly Ranchers
9. Inhaler
10. benadryl
11. Food for flowers (the little powder packs)
12. business card from where I got my first tattoo done
13. Necklace
14. Hand Sanitizer
15. Book
16. Pens
17. Loose change
18. a pair of socks lol
19. phone
20. ticket stubs
21. receipts
22. water bill

I think that's it...I was going to take pics but it would be one too many pictures lol

Day 24- A letter to your parents

I had to do this last Friday (November 12,2010) and I'm just now (November 15, 2010) writing it out. It was just too heavy a topic for me at that time, well, it still is but putting it off won't help. I have so much to say to both my mother and the sperm donor but I tend to choke up when I try to write it out. But, here it goes! (for the sake of the blog, I'll do it in English but I would most definitely need to write it in Spanish because my momma was a fluent Spanish speaker!)

Dear Mommy,

I LOVE YOU! I MISS YOU MORE than words can explain. I've been missing you for a year and half now and I don't think that this emptiness I feel inside since you've been gone will ever go away. Don't worry about us that we are okay. I know how we were your whole life and many times I've heard that you are not at peace because you worry for us but please don't. You have raised us and guided us up until now and we will be okay!

I want to take the time to keep thanking you for being the best mother I could ever have. I know that as a child and as a teen, I was hard headed and hard to deal with. I apologize 100x over for all the troubles and worries that I ever imposed on you. I was naive and stupid to think that I knew better or to think "ugh will this woman ever shut up?!?" Now, I sit here and wish that you'd yell at me once more just for kicks...but that will never happen unless you come to me in a dream.

I can't help but regret everything that could have hurt you. I live with the regret of not being able to do everything to save you. I live with the regret of knowing that there could have been so much more that I could have done to make your life better or more comfortable. All the times that something happened to you when I was there, those are the memories that kill me because I know that I could have avoided all the troubles you went through. I know that you always said that I was the light of your life but I don't see how if I couldn't even avoid those unnecessary falls and troubles you went through.

I hope to see you soon! Whether it be in dreams or on  your side of town. I'm not afraid to go now for I know that anywhere you might be, will be the perfect place for me. I love you and seen you soon!

Juan,

I do not call you dad for I don't believe that you deserve that gesture. You left me as a child and I know that to each his own. You found your happiness elsewhere but you divorce wives not children. You divorced me too. I remember countless times that your family made me write to you and the first few times, I'd wait anxiously by the mailbox for your reply. A reply that would never come. The time your family took me to see you in Mexico, you left the whole time I was there. So much for wanting to see me right? I want to thank you for leaving my life when you did. I appreciate it because my mom showed me what it was to be loved unconditionally. She showed me what it was to live without a man and survive. Your leaving made me a stronger person today.

However, I do want to ask something of you. Please stop making yourself the damn victim. You are anything but a victim. You CHOSE to leave us when you did. You CHOSE not to look for me, not to write me, or even give a call on my birthday or Christmas. You always say that you are afraid to talk to me that you're afraid of rejection. Yeah, well all I can say is BE VERY AFRAID.

The day I lost my mother, I needed support. I would have let the past go had you been there for me in my time of need but you didn't even show your face! When you did show up, you didn't even give me my condolences for losing the most important person in my life and that is something that I will NEVER forget! You are a sorry excuse for a man, father, and human being. You never stood up for what you believed in or even tried to do so. As far as I'm concerned, I'm an orphan now. A father never existed for me and my mother is now gone.  I'm not even sorry to speak to you this way because it is nothing but the truth.

You give condolences to strangers, why not to your own daughter? You skipped out on the funeral and burial of the one woman you claim to have loved? Were you scared? I don't see what you're scared of if she's not going to talk back! No one would have kicked you out from the viewing, services, or burial. If I didn't kick you out from my house when you would come to visit my mom and tell her how much you loved her and all this other bullshit, then why would I kick you out from a chance of saying your final goodbye? Why not try at least? So, give it up. Give up the role of victim because you anything but.

That's all I have to say in regards to anything with you. Until the day I take my last breath, you will remain Juan, the sperm donor. I thank you for donating but any other "man" could have done what you did. Thanks for nothing! Love, Lizeth

***I speak with hatred towards the donor because that is what I feel. He was never there and never will be so if you're going to leave a comment lecturing me about that, save your time and words. I've made up my mind. It doesn't take time and energy to hate him because he never even crosses my mind. It's as if he died for me too...

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Cravings are one of  the main reasons I have ballooned out of control! I have a really bad sweet tooth! I always want candy...Any candy haha. The sweet tooth is so bad that I rather eat candy than an actual meal. Yes, THAT bad! The most I have gone without any candy is 40 days (for lent.) Other than that, candy is a a basic component of my diet. I know that at some point I'll be able to control it but as of right now, all those chemically enduced endorphins it gives, is the highlight of my day! haha.

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

To be quite honest, I don't know what makes me different. I think that I  possess a strong empathy and sympathy for people for my age. A lot of people around my age have not developed that sense of empathy and sympathy towards others because they're still in their young, wild, and reckless days. It's completely understandable because had my life been any different, I'd probably still be that way too.

I believe to have a great ability to care for others. At times, I feel as if I NEED to have someone or something to take care of in order to feel like myself. I feel out of place and lonely when there is no one for me to look after. That may have influenced the type of career I want to do. I love to help others, listen to them, advise in anything I can. Other than that, I'm pretty much just like everyone else. =]

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

My baby Chiquis in her  Myspace Pose!

 LOL Momma taught her well =p



Getting Chiquis was the best thing I could have ever done! I don't regret all the ER hospital bills and the money I have spent on her. She has done so much more for me than anyone could ever imagine. I got her about 6 months after my mother passed away. Those 6 months were agonizing. The few hours I spent at home alone and then after being unemployed, I spent all day alone. Once little Chiquis came along, I didn't know what loneliness was. If I was depressed, she'd lay in bed snuggled up against me ALL DAY! Not one complaint or word of offense.

She motivated me to get up in the mornings to walk her out, feed, her bathe her. I once again had someone to employ my time with. I loved watching her grow and dressing her up everyday. Now she has become more of a "Daddy's Girl" LOL because she likes my boyfriend more than me but I still love her. She brings light into my life like no other person (yes, I consider her just like a human being!) ever has in the past year and couple months.

My baby likes to sit shot gun and let her hair loose in the wind! LOL

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Can I marry myself???? LOL At this point in my life, I don't think that far ahead. I have never had plans of getting married. I kinda always knew that that wouldn't be my fairytale. I don't see the big deal in having someone else's last name or having a ring. Of course, at some point, I did dream of the winter wonderland wedding with the big poofy dress, the big ring, and flowers everywhere but now that I'm older, it just doesn't seem that much of a big deal to me anymore. I do not say it in a way to put down all those girls that have found their Knight in shining armor. I'm glad that there are MEN out there that commit. I just don't think that's a road I will be taking, not at least till there's a fat ring on my finger LOL =p

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Oh wow haha. I have so many nicknames that it's crazy! Every person I know has "baptized me" with a nickname or another. I think that listing them and putting the reason why next to it would be easier than to just explain in depth why each name was given to me.

Liz-Short for my real name, Lizeth

Lizzie-Friends from high school thought it was cuter than Liz I guess lol

Korita-At 18, I started hanging with a crowd outside of high school and they named me that because my mom was from Nayarit, Mexico and they call people from there Coras.

Gordis-My mom always called me that bc I've always been her gorda lol

Bookie-My older brother heard a lady calling her daughter that and he just started calling me that lol

FattyTissue- LOL again my older brother

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

I think that throughout my life, I did a lot of planning and not even half of what I had planned fell through. Life gets in the way of plans and so you have to alter whatever you have written down in your timeline. I don't really plan as much anymore and if I do, they are very vague plans that are open to change.

My biggest plan was to start school again. I am proud to say that I will be returning to school after almost a 2 year absence to finish my BA in Human Services. From there, I hope to go back and get my masters in Social Work, Counseling something to that sort. I love to help others and anything in a field where I assist other people lead a better life would suit me. I know that it won't be easy but I'm not one to give up easily.

In more personal plans and once I'm settled. (I.E. Career done and a house of my own) I hope to one day have children of my own. Being married or having a paper saying that I'm legally bound to someone is not of much importance to me. It is nice to dream of that big fairytale wedding but it isn't absolutely necessary either. I would be happy enough to just have children to call my own.

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

When I read this question, I automically thought of wanting to switch with someone who has all the money in the world, doesnt worry about their future and has fun. But the more I thought about it, that person has to worry about where their money is invested, who is trying to rob them, who is their real friend, etc. If that were the case, I think I'll stay the way I am. I won't even bother thinking of who or why. I wouldn't want to switch my life with anyone I know of. My life is f'd up as it is. Why would I want to go and experience someone else's problems, inner turmoils, etc.? I'll pass on that one! I'm not happy with how things are now and even if people tell me "you make your own life and you decide blah blah blah," sometimes, you have no choice. You work where you work because you NEED the money not because you really love your job. Sometimes you stay in a relationship that maybe should have ended a long time ago because that is all you know, that person is all you have or you're just so used to it that you don't want anything to change. Ultimately, there are things you CHOOSE but some things you really don't have control over because it provides for what you need. With that said, I would just stay right where I am.

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

 

Another picture of me right? Well, I chose this one because it was when things were much simpler. I had no worry in the world but to be alive. I had all the toys in the world and most important of all, I had my mother. I had her to hold me, to hug me, kiss me, and just to keep the world from hurting me. How I wish I could have stayed this way forever...but the cruel reality is eating me alive now a days.



Dia de los Muertos

Día de los Muertos is a holiday and fond tradition of those of Mexican descent. This holiday's main purpose to pray for and remember friends and family members who have died. The celebrations occur on November 2 .It has come from Roman Catholic Holidays All Saints Day And All Souls Day (November 1st and 2nd.) On the day of the dead it is tradition to build private alters in the home with pictures of the dead, their favorite foods, drinks, candles, and flowers.

Last year was my first time actually celebrating that holiday. In the past, I had seen my mom put up candles to the dead but she did it through out the year not just on that holiday. Building alters and going all out was never really our tradition despite our Mexican heritage. I tried my best to build one last year and it was an utter mess! lol I went out and bought burgers and fries from my mom's favorite place. Her favorite drink from there was an ice cold Orange Bang. So I set it all out on an alter type thing that i set up. I put her food, flowers and pictures. I also added candles. Before the end of the night, the food was SWARMING in ants, her candles had blown out, and I just felt like I failed at doing a good job of building one.

This year, I figured I'd build one for her at her gravesite but since I am at work, I will be unable to do do so. I get out at 5pm and the cemetery closes at 6pm. By 5:50, they are kicking you out and so with all the traffic on the 91 and the time I get out, I wont be there until 5 mins till they start shooing you away. I feel beyond guilty for not going but I know I won't make it on time. I hope that she understands why I may not be able to to go until the weekend. I will buy her flowers and put them in her room for now but even that seems like it is not enough. I have not forgotten her for I never will but it sure does feel that way.

To all those that build big beautiful alters and take days in preparing, tutor me! I NEED help in that department because I failed at being a good daughter and setting one up. =[ If you follow this tradition, feel free to leave me a comment or pictures on the comment section to show me your alters! I would love to see!

To a mother who has lost a child,Rest In Peace
To a child who has lost their mother/father
To a family who have just lost a member,
To a friend who has just lost a friend,


Luisa Perez-Grandma (mommy's mommy)
Maria Guadalupe Ocampo -My Mommy
Maria E. Ocampo- My tia (like a 2nd mommy to me)
Maria De Jesus Rodriguez (grandpa's mommy, my great grandmother on my dad's side)
Juan Arevalo- (grandma's pops, my great grandfather on my dad's side)
Angelita Robles-( My "bolita" my brothers' grandmother on their dad's side)
Faustino Robles-(My "bolito" my brothers' grandfather on their dad's side)
Xavier Camacho Medina- Val's baby
Cathy, Aracely, & Joel's Mommy & Daddy

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

I didn't have my Ipod on me today but I have a lot of songs on my phone. So I used those haha.

On shuffle...
1. Andy, You're a Star-The Killers, Hot Fuss
2. Como Te Extraño-Chuy Vega,Exitos Vol. 2
3. Supe Perder-Chuy Vega, Exitos Vol. 2
4. Linda Mujer-Lil Rob
5. Nomas La Pura Maña-Los Cachorros de Juan Villareal
6. Love Me Two Times-The Doors, The Very Best of the Doors [2001]
7. Master P- Smoking Weed in My Cadillac
8. La Mas Bonita-Ramon Ayala, Te Equivocaste
9. It was a Good Day-Ice Cube
10. La Guerrilla del Teo-Gerardo Ortiz, Las Tundras

Haha what a mix right?

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Many people have seen this picture on my Facebook and Myspace. It is from June 2008. I think this is one of my nearest and dearest pictures because it was my mom's last birthday with us. IT is my last HAPPY/PARTY day as a family. This night presented itself in complete and utter harmony. We partied the night away and not once thought of her illness or any sadness. We look like a mix matched family but we meshed so well then. Our beautiful mother and her three very different children. What I wouldn't give to relive this memory. To dance girl to girl with my mommy. She taught me how to dance and we used to get down together haha. We didn't need a man to have a good time!

 

I tried to find a very old picture of us together but didn't have time. I'll make a later post to show you guys! =]

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear Friend,

I don't know how to start this letter without wondering why I'm even taking the time to write you. In my eyes, a friend is one that is there all the time. One that you can pick up where ever you left off and never even think that there was any time apart. A friend is one who always gives you a helping hand and asks nothing in return. One who calls/texts to just say hi even if they're super busy but take the time to acknowledge your existance.

Well, dear friend, you have failed at being one. You have failed me in more ways than one. I have always tried my best to be there for you at all times and at times, I may even put my life on hold to accomodate to your needs or to just be a great friend to you. I don't EXPECT anything in return but I would love to know that when I do need you, even if its just to talk, I can count on you. However, you have failed me. I shouldn't have to be the one who is always looking for you. I know that the world does not revolve around me and my issues but you as a friend should know better than to ignore the one person that you know will never let you down or leave you hanging.

Even though you have been there for a day in the life when I needed you, I feel as if you felt it more an obligation to be there than a genuine want to accompany me in such times. I do not want to feel like a burden or obligation to you. Please remember that you have a true friend in me but know that I know I will never have a true friend in you. When once you were a close friend, you have now passed on to be a simple acquiantance. ONe you turn to for a good time and not for a good friend. So long my friend and we will talk again when the "greatest party of all time" or "I need a favor" comes up.

Sincerely,

One of the most reliable and best friends you could ever have =]

***Those that have befriended me, know that I will be there for them through anything because that is just the type of person I am. I do not toot my horn in vain. It's just sad to see that I haven't found too many friends like the type of friend that I am.

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

Sorry! Whenever it comes to weekends, I fall behind on some posts but I always post 3 on MONDAYS!

I found out about Blogger through the youtube community. I started watching a lot of beauty videos around 2007 and more so around the last months I spent with my mom. We'd watch tutorials or music videos online often, the last few weeks, youtube is what kept a fraction of my sanity. I saw that a lot of people had blogs. I had NO clue what a blog was. (Yes, I'm that slow! haha) I started one because I thought I'd write about my weightloss (which never happened.) I kept it and wrote about things I knew instead. I'm glad that I did keep it because it helps me in so many ways. It helps me vent out pent up anger and emotions that I wouldn't normally say outloud. It also helps me help others appreciate the small things in life. I regret a 1000 times all the things I didnt appreciate in life when I was younger and If I can get through to ONE person on here, then I have done my job correctly. Plus, I also kept it because I love to write!